How to Fix Your After-School Routine: The 3 Mistakes that Cause Chaos
I totally understand the chaos after school. Even as a very organized person, I can’t escape the occasional meltdown from tired toddlers, the homework fight with my 8-year-old and even the kid not wanting to put away their items. It’s inevitable. But, there is a way to quit being the “after-school police” and start handing that work over to your kids.
Your after-school routine keeps failing because of a few simple design mistakes, not a lack of effort. We can put forth all the effort in the world, but if the routine isn’t set up correct, it’s going to dissolve into chaos. However, identifying these three common mistakes is the key to creating an after-school routine that actually sticks.
The Foundation of a Successful After-School Routine
Building a Too-Rigid After-School Schedule
When the routine can’t handle real life because one bump (like tired kids, traffic, or late pick up) derails the whole thing, it’s not a good routine. If you create a routine for the perfect day with the perfect conditions, it will never go right.
So, rather than having a minute-to-minute schedule for after school, have loose anchor points for your schedule. This is how the schedule becomes more flexible.
In our house, we have a couple of different routines based on the day, but they all happen from the same checklist. Some days, we get home at 4 pm and others we get home more like 5:30 pm (or later). But my kids know every time, they put away their lunch and backpack. What changes in what they do afterwards. But the routine is always similar.
Look at your week, what types of routines do you need? I love having a regular routine and an activity day routine. This way, we all know what to do on different days.
Creating the After-School Routine Alone
As a former teacher, I know when adults try to impose a system without buy-in, it leads to resistance and power struggles. Even more when you’re the parent! The kids start to see the routine as punishment and resist it even more.
Allow your kids to help create the routine. This creates ownership and buy in from them and makes them more likely to do it. I let my kids pick the order of some things and choose what they get to do at the end. They have helped create our routine to work for us.
Now, when it comes time to do the actual routine, the kids are more bought in. I often remind my kids that it’s our house, not just my house, and we work together to keep it tidy.
And, if your kids are younger, let them help pick the pictures. This helps those pre-readers and they will remember what the picture means. This boosts their independence on doing their checklist on their own. And bonus, they start to connect the word and the picture and prepare for reading.
Neglecting Connection in Your After-School Routine
Sometimes, it’s easier to prioritize tasks (like homework and chores) before connect, but some kids need to emotionally refuel after school before they can function. This is a part where you know your kid best.
Some kids need a 5-10 minute conversation before starting their homework. For these kids, I suggest implementing a snack break before homework time where you sit with them. Rather than just asking about their day, focus on something you know they love, like playground, PE or after school activities. Ask what they did during those times to get more information out of them. Many times, after talking for a bit, they’re more ready to start those tasks that need to be done.
I have one kid that needs that connection before she can do anything else. She wants me to sit and talk about her day and who she played with and what she did. This small conversation helps her regulate the rest of the afternoon with less meltdowns. Many times, 5 minutes now can save 30 minutes later!
Stop the Mistakes, Start the Flow
Take a look at your own afternoon routine. Map out what happens now and then see what mistakes you’re making. Are you too rigid? Do you need to have your kids help? Are you missing a point of connection? If your afternoons aren’t going as planned, take some time to evaluate your routine, whether it’s written down or not.
Avoiding these mistakes is the first step, but putting the whole plan together takes a tool. A checklist for your kids to use and you to know what’s next. To help you immediately apply these fixes, I’ve created a free Afternoon Routine Checklist. Your quick-start tool to build the perfect after-school routine today.
